Day 17 | Where’s Brett?

March 26, 2017

It ended up being a really late night last night because we had to pick up a few things at the store after Brett finished working. When we finally pulled into our campsite, I burst into tears at the thought of decontaminating one more time before getting in the tent. It was very windy and I didn’t feel like I could handle cold water and wet hair again. Especially since I was exhausted and feeling pretty bad from the reactions I had while we were in civilization.

But I knew I would regret it if I skipped the decontamination procedure. I’ve failed to decontaminate enough times to realize that the symptoms will continue to progress and get worse even after the exposure has passed. Biotoxins cling to hair and clothing and when you’re as sensitive as I am, even a tiny bit can keep you feeling sick.

Since we had our propane camp stove set up Brett realized he could heat the water for me. I was so grateful! The warm water definitely helped to make the process less miserable!

Brett had picked up two thicker sleeping bags at Walmart that we were planning to use that night. Unfortunately, the sleeping bag he got for me was contaminated and we had to switch sleeping bags.

At this point I’ve unmasked enough that I am learning to notice when items are contaminated with biotoxins just based on symptoms. I can often tell just by holding an object against my skin for 30 seconds and taking a breath with the item in front of my nose. If mild symptoms like skin itchiness and a tickle in my throat start, I know the item is not safe for me to use.

I thought the second sleeping bag felt okay last night but I woke up feeling pretty bad this morning. My nose was plugged, I was in more pain, I barely had any energy and my head felt like it was about to burst from pressure. I’m not 100% sure that it was the new sleeping bag’s fault but it definitely seems suspicious.

I cheered up quickly though when Brett brought me organic chicken sausage and oatmeal for breakfast. I was so happy! I’d been craving sausage for days! I can’t tell you how many times I imagined myself eating delicious maple sausage this week!

It’s really unusual for me to have any kind of cravings and unheard of for me to crave meat. In general, I hate the taste and texture of meat and only force myself to have it because I believe it’s good for me.

I haven’t been getting enough calories and nutrients these last couple weeks though, and I guess my body was really feeling it to make me crave sausage! The sausage was just as delicious as I had dreamed that it would be and I didn’t react to it at all!

I hadn’t had sausage in months because it’s considered a high histamine food. Since starting mold avoidance however, I’ve found that I am able to eat foods that I had previously cut out due to histamine issues. That’s why I felt comfortable trying the sausage again. It was a huge success! I was so happy!

When I was done having breakfast, Brett left to go fill up our 7 gallon water jugs so he could do today’s laundry. I spent some time reading the Bible, praying, singing and browsing some online mold avoidance resources. When my phone died and I was left alone with nothing to do, I broke down and began to cry.

I cried for a warm shower. I cried for a comfortable bed. I cried for Brett and the endless piles of laundry. I cried for our sweet little apartment and the life we could have had. I cried for the friends and family that are so far away. I cried because life is so crazy hard. I cried because I couldn’t take it anymore.

I sobbed like this for maybe 20 minutes until I suddenly realized that Brett had been gone for far too long. I began to worry and I cried even harder because my phone was dead and I had no way of contacting him.

I was in a muddle from all the tears and I couldn’t decide what I should do. What if something happened to him? Should I go find him? I started walking towards the road only to turn around again. There was no way I could walk that far. I gulped down some water quickly and searched for my walking stick.

At least I could make it to the main road. Perhaps I could wave someone down and ask to use their phone. I set out again, hoping desperately that Brett would show up before I had to do that. After I had gone a few hundred yards, I saw a car approaching in the distance. Was it him? I couldn’t tell. I stopped walking and waited.

Yes! It was Brett! I was overjoyed! He quickly explained that he had texted me to let me know he was on the phone with his twin brother. I told him my phone was dead and that I hadn’t received his message. He apologized and said the call went longer than he realized. I was so relieved!

We spent the rest of the afternoon chatting while Brett did the laundry and had a peaceful, mostly uneventful evening. I did end up reacting to my socks and sleeping bag when we went to bed which was very frustrating. Either they got contaminated by some other object or I must have contaminated them with my own sweat. It’s not uncommon for people who are healing from biotoxin illness to contaminate things when they are detoxing. Replacing clothes and bedding is often necessary. I wish it wasn’t though. It feels so wasteful and inconsiderate of the environment!

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  • Rachel McFall

    Ana I only just found your blog and I’m already finding it so heartwarming and inspiring ❤
    I’m praying for both you and Brett, you are incredibly strong people and so brave! May God shower his blessings on both of you. Never stop fighting ❤
    All my love and prayers, Rachel M

    March 28, 2017 at 2:56 am Reply
    • AnaHarris

      Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment Rachel! I’m so encouraged to hear that my writing is inspiring you. 💚

      March 28, 2017 at 9:57 am Reply
  • Natalie Marie Julson

    Praying for you Ana! Been doing so before Brett started the Young Writers Workshop, and even more so now. Your posts are such an encouragement.

    March 28, 2017 at 5:03 pm Reply
  • Tamam Baida

    Ana, just read this post. Oh, sweetie, I was crying with you when I read this post! Your writing is excellent and most certainly encourages myself and others to keep on keepin’ on in spite of…Praying for you and Brett always…for God’s protection upon you during these “adventurous times”…for healing of Lyme and biotoxin illnesses…for peace and strength as you search for a permanent “safe place” to settle into. We miss you, too…there may be great distance between us but never far from our heart’s…we are with you in believing His promise: “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes WITH you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” [Deut. 31:6] Lots of Love, tamam

    March 29, 2017 at 11:43 am Reply
    • AnaHarris

      Aww… Thanks so much for your comment Tamam. So sweet, what you wrote! I’m so glad my writing is encouraging, that was always my hope. 🙂 Thank you so much for the ongoing prayers! I love you Tamam!

      March 29, 2017 at 7:55 pm Reply

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