Day 99 | A Sad Conclusion

June 16, 2017

Well, last night was rough. Not nearly as awful as the insomnia of the past but still pretty rough. It was my first night of insomnia in months. It took me a long time to fall asleep, I tossed and turned, and woke up a lot in the night. I did not feel rested at all when I got up this morning. Plus, I had a sore throat and my pain was still elevated. Oh dear. This is not a good sign. It’s probably Ramona.

She slept in a crate on the floor of the van and even with the windows and doors wide open, it still affected me. I was so discouraged. I didn’t have the energy to do much of anything this morning so I laid on the picnic table and rested. Brett did the laundry and made salad for lunch.

I tried my best to stay away from Ramona and by mid-afternoon I was starting to feel better physically. I had a little more energy and a little less pain. Brett and I talked and decided that my family should probably take Ramona back for tonight to see if I sleep better without her.

Then while I was working on my writing, Ramona looked at me with those big puppy eyes and started begging for me to hold her. I tried to resist… I really did. In the end though, I gave in. Brett recognized my foolishness at once and took her from me. I on the other hand, didn’t recognize my foolishness until a minute later when I started to feel achy, tired and foggy brained. What have I done?

I decontaminated and after that, I stayed away from her. It was so hard! When my family came to hang out this afternoon we didn’t do hugs. That was hard too!

We enjoyed our time together but sadly, I got nauseous halfway through my dinner and wasn’t able to finish eating. Another old symptom popping back up?

We decided to go up to elevation with my family afterwards and take a short walk. Maybe the high altitude could help denature whatever mycotoxins might still be hanging onto Ramona’s coat?

We went to Sylvan Lake for the first time and it was so beautiful up there! We had a nice time together. Brett and I walked in front and my family walked behind. I was grateful we could all be together but I couldn’t help wishing we could all walk side by side!

(Later this week, I’ll be posting an adorable video of Ramona on my FB page.)

Sadly, the clear increase in symptoms I’ve had from being around Ramona and my family has confirmed that we need to keep being as careful as possible. It’s not that I’m unwilling to put up with fatigue, insomnia, numbness and nausea while they’re here. Honestly, if I knew there wouldn’t be any long term repercussions I would be more than happy to accept a minor relapse in exchange for family hugs and puppy cuddles. It would be so worth it if I knew I could just bounce back after a few days away from them.

Unfortunately, research on this kind of mold hyper-reactivity is almost non-existent and there’s no way of knowing how many exposures I can take before crashing again. At what point have I gone so far that it will take months to climb back up to where I was? At what point will the tick borne infections get reactivated? I don’t have answers to those questions and I really don’t want to find out by making a horrible mistake. So, I’m just going to have to be grateful for what I have and do my best to stay afloat.

By the way, Brett and I made a beautiful PDF of my favorite resources for suffering souls. I created the content and he made it look fancy with his superduper graphic design skills. It’s available for free to my email subscribers. Click here to sign up and receive 5 Resources for the Suffering Soul.

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  • Ruth Meyer

    I’ve been there, where I have to choose between my health and family activities, and I hate that feeling. I wish things had worked out better for you, Anna. Still praying. I’m not sure how bad it’s been before, but really, it sounds like you have been doing better overall this visit. The “experiment” is definitely helping you!

    June 17, 2017 at 10:02 pm Reply
    • Ana Harris

      Thanks Ruth! I’m definitely doing better than the last time I saw them but back then I hadn’t unmasked so I couldn’t tell I was reacting to specific things. I was just so toxic and always miserable but now that I’m better I can tell when items and people and places are affecting me.

      June 18, 2017 at 4:57 pm Reply
  • Hannah Mead

    I’m so glad you’ve been able to at least spend time with your family and puppy!! It’s too bad you haven’t been feeling great though…. I’m praying that any mold toxins left hanging around them will be gone soon, so that you can enjoy your time fully with them!!

    June 18, 2017 at 12:44 am Reply
    • Ana Harris

      Thank you so much for praying Hannah! That would be so awesome!

      June 18, 2017 at 4:58 pm Reply
  • Erin

    Oh, that’s so sad! I know how much of a hugger Jason is, and I’m sure you are a hugger too! I can’t even imagine not being able to hug! :,( And Ramona is so adorable!!!! Good job staying away from her…that would be really hard! I love puppies! Keep staying strong, Ana! Hopefully you can adjust to your family and puppy being around and be able to be normal around them eventually. “Love always hopes.” 😉

    June 18, 2017 at 5:22 am Reply
    • Ana Harris

      Thank you so much Erin! It is really really hard. Thank you for keeping up the prayers.

      June 18, 2017 at 5:01 pm Reply
  • Patty Margaret

    You’re getting so much stronger, I’m so impressed by you and your husband. Your family is wonderfully helping, understanding and making sacrifices to help u. This is so beautiful and inspiring. I was reading Sara’ posts too. What you are both going through Brought me to tears. Happy tears for the love and understanding of your families, and sad tears when you have to realize what you are missing. It encourages us to believe life is all these things. And love life. Thanks. I hope recovery will lead you back to longer stays with your loved ones. I hope I hope I hope.

    June 18, 2017 at 7:19 am Reply
  • Chris Barratt

    I’m so sorry Ana!! That is so sad. I know you were so excited to see your family and puppy!! Maybe after a while you will at least be better able to tolerate them. And enjoy Ramona from a distance. But I know how much you were looking forward to this. Try to enjoy each moment as best you can. Life is so so hard sometimes, isn’t it? Again, I’m very sorry and I’ll pray you still enjoy the time together and that very soon you’ll be totally better and be able to tolerate everything again. Love you!! XOXOX

    June 18, 2017 at 12:23 pm Reply
  • Sarah C

    So sad…:( I’m sorry. I’m sure this is something you’ve tried but I thought I’d mention it anyway. My husband got a stomach bug this weekend so I was researching activated charcoal. I saw some info on it helping with mold detox. Just wondering if you’d ever tried it.

    June 18, 2017 at 1:00 pm Reply
  • Katherine Forster

    Awww, that sounds so hard. 🙁 I’ll be praying you can spend more time with your family, without it affecting your symptoms!

    June 18, 2017 at 2:16 pm Reply
  • Nanette Fenn

    Precious Ana…I’m so sorry. 🙁 It’so, so hard. By way of finding you I’ve been reading much of Sara. May God give you abundant grace and may His love help you through these disappointing things…and I pray you can decontaminate and your body can get back to the gains you have made.

    June 18, 2017 at 4:00 pm Reply
  • Mary Kay Taylor

    I’m so sorry! It’s hard! Praying for you! You’re doing so well!

    June 18, 2017 at 5:31 pm Reply
  • James

    I hope you have a quick recovery from this flair up and hopefully any future ones as well. I have faith that given time you will have more capacity for such exposures and as well as less stress as you become more confident in you limits. I also am going to guess that Ramona might be ok after a few weeks out of a moldy environment but I also imagine it could be hard to manage her exposures to mold (I imagine her running around the woods and rubbing up against people).

    June 18, 2017 at 10:54 pm Reply
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